Welcome to my blog!

Hello, world. After months of scouring the internet for funny and interesting blogs to read I decided to have my own. Even if no one reads this, I will be able to chronicle all the boring/funny/weird stuff that makes up my life. I thought I would do a brief background for my first post but then I thought, "Nah. Who wants to read that? If *I* don't want to, no one else will either." So, for my first post I thought I would tell you about a conversation I had with my 6 year old daughter the other day.

Maddie: Mommy, today on the playground me and my friends were playing in the dirt.

Me: (Silent, but I'm cringing internally. She definitely did NOT get my aversion to all things gross)

Maddie: We were pretending it was pixie dust. Then, "Brayden" and "Paul" came over and messed it all up! The kicked our dirt!!

Me: (trying to look reasonably shocked) Well, was it an accident?

Maddie: NO! They did it on purpose! And THEN they called us a...a.... POOPYHEAD! Then they ran off laughing.

Now at this point, her little face has fallen and she is verging on distraught. I'm wracking my brain to come up with an appropriate response. I mean, after all, it's just dirt... I mean "pixie dust".

I suddenly think of that movie "He's Just Not That Into You". You know, the opening scene where the little girl is on the playground and the little boy pulls her hair or pushes her down or something. She runs over crying to her mom to tell her all about it. Then the mother says, "Oh, honey. Don't you know what that means? That means he LIKES you!", and kisses her boo boos and sends her on her way.

Ummmm..... what?? So that scene is playing in my head. Yes, it probably DOES mean the little boys like my daughter and her friends (because, HELLO! She. Is. Awesome!) but do I really want to start her off thinking she needs to be treated like crap by boys to be shown love? HELL NO!

The scene plays out in my mind: Maddie, 20 years from now, engaged or married to the biggest douche canoe out there. He treats her like a servant and may or may not be physically abusive. He talks down to her, makes her feel "less than", and controls every thought in her head. Worse, she's okay with it because I didn't tell her when she was 6 that if someone is mean or degrading to you they don't deserve to be in your life.

So, for the 7 seconds it took me to get from the playground to saving my future daughter from an abusive marraige, I did the only reasonable thing.

Me: You want Mommy to kill them?