Tuesday, September 3, 2013

The One In Which I Pack Up All Our Stuff And Haul It To.......


Yee haw, y'all. I'm gonna be a real cowgirl. Probably not, but I will have to adapt. It is official. Today, Terry accepted the Photographic Manager position that he flew out to interview for last week. We're moving to Houston.

Know anything about Houston? Lemme just tell ya.

1. It's hot. And nooooo not a dry heat either. Houston is only about 70 miles from the Gulf, so it's just as frickin' humid there as it is here.

2. Nothing but dirt and cowboys grow in Texas. I guess no garden next year.

3. It's the 4th largest city in all of the US. Which, I assume, means it's really, really crowded.

4. They have three bypasses. THREE.

5. Their highways are toll roads.

6.It is almost a thousand miles away from all that I know.

7. Drive time will be about 12 hours. That's practically a whole day. Yeah, I'm looking forward to spending 12 hours listening to Maddie ask "Are we there yet?".

8. (This one probably should have been on up the list, but it's not a list of priorities, people. Geez. Stop judging. I'm having a moment here.) Terry will be leaving to head out there at the end of the month. Which means.... I'll basically be a single parent. For almost three months. To a small, stubborn(er), teenaged attituded up me.

9. I don't know anyone in Texas. Except maybe George Bush. And I know Jenny (aka The Bloggess) lives somewhere in Texas. Maybe one of them will invite me over so I can know someone besides Terry and Maddie in the whole freaking state.

10. (This one is totally selfish and makes me a horrible person and generally crappy mom) When Maddie gets on my last nerve, and she will (probably before the end of the first week), I don't have any unsuspecting grandparents to pawn her off on.

Finally, after all that, just the logistics of the whole thing makes me want to hyperventilate and hide in a dark closet with my pillow. Living arrangements, car, school, utilities, familiarizing myself with the surroundings. That's one of the big ones. My sense of direction is..... we'll say "lacking". As in, lacking thereof. I purdy much a'int got nary'n. (I'm trying to learn the language. I may be terrified, but that's no reason to slack off...)

Plus, I don't know if the state can handle my awesomeness. Especially with the aforementioned people I know in the same state. I mean, really. I come fully equipped with quick wit, snark and general badassery.

Oh, OH! AND I don't even own a cowboy hat. Or cowboy boots, for that matter. Ooooooohhhhh.... maybe this means I can go buy some! I haven't been shoe shopping in ages. Well, unless you count getting Maddie's school shoes, and since I didn't get anything I totally do NOT count it.

Seriously, though. I feel like the night before school starts. I wonder if I will make any friends. I wonder if they'll like me. I worry that Maddie will hate the new school we put her in. I worry if they'll be mean to her. What if we get out there and something happens? We can't just hop in the car and come back "home". And we damn sure don't have the cash to spend on plane tickets. I know I'm probably over analyzing everything, but I have OCD and I am strongly anti-change.

Ohmigod, y'all. I just realized something. Houston isn't far from the gulf. Where there are sharks. Texas is in tornado alley. Where there are tornadoes.

Get where I'm going with that?? Just my luck and we'll get a mother honkin' SHARKNADO! Which might be entertaining, as long as I stay inside.

For real, though. As much whining, bitching and moaning I've done, and the lots more that I still have to do before we leave, I have absolute faith in my husband. I know deep down this is what he needs and what is best for our family. Everything has fallen into place too easily for this not to be thIe right thing.

So. It won't be too long before I will be an official Houstonite. Wait. Houstonian? Houstoner? Whatever. I'm sure they'll let me know when they initiate me into the state.

P.S. Keep this on the down low, 'kay? We haven't told Maddie yet. Or most of our family. So, shhhhhhhhhh.

P.P.S. Just so you'll know how neurotic I am....

*When this move was initially proposed, I did what anyone would do. I Googled Houston. One of the sites had stats and stuff (read: boring, so I didn't read it) and one thing it mentioned was that Houston was in Harris County. My mind frantically started thinking of where I had heard that. Oh. My. God. That's where Leatherface is from!! Ho-ly crap! We're gonna move there and be murdered in our sleep. So I Google mapped and realized Leatherface lives in TRAVIS County. Whew. What a relief! Oh, but wait. NOW I remember when I've heard Harris County before. They film "The First 48" in Harris County Texas. For those of you who don't know what "The First 48" is, well, it's a real-life-follow-detectives-around-to-try-to-catch-murderes TV show on A&E.

Well, hell. Looks like we'll be murdered after all.



  1. You had me at Sharknado!

    When can I come visit!?



    1. Any time you want to! We can explore the city together!! You have to bring Jaz, though. She and my Maddie (she's 6) can combine their individual awesomeness and create a whole new level of badassery.

      P.S. I choose to believe she gets her awesomeness from me, ergo, *I* am awesome :)

  2. Good luck!

    I lived in Wichita Kansas for a while..it was so different from what I was used to that it was nearly exotic. For a while.

  3. I've never been to Houston, only San Antonio, but yes, it's sooooo HOT!