Wednesday, June 26, 2013

It's 5 A.M. ..... I Repeat.... IT'S-5-FREAKING-A.M. (and I'm awake)

It’s 5:22 a.m. As in, 5 o’clock in. the. freaking. morning. I’ve been to bed 3 times, and 3 times I’ve gotten back up because my mother effing brain will not shut the hell up. It could have something to do with my first radio appearance later today. Or maybe the Sudafed I had to break down and take at 9:00 last night. So between the nerves and the meth, I’m wide a-frickin’-wake. And have been all night long. I should have put that time to good use. The dishes need washing, the bathroom could use a cleaning, and the dog needs a bath. Did I do any of those semi-productive things? Hell, no, thankyouverymuch. What did I do, you ask? Well, I watched some of my Big Bang Theory episodes. Oh, and I’m writing this blog post. Hmmm…. What else? Ummmm…I ate a spoonful of peanut butter? FYI, that stuff gives you wicked heartburn. So, great. In addition to being a neurotic insomniac, I also get to have acid indigestion. Isn't life grand? (*I know, I know. Pity party of one, right this way please.*)

Wanna know some of the things that have been shooting my overactive cerebellum in the last several hours? Okey dokey. Just remember: You asked for it.

            -I wonder if Mom found out how much a used Kindle is for me
            -How do you make those dots and that squiggle line over letters? Like in "uber", for example.
            -The new song “Blurred Lines” is this year’s “Call Me Maybe”. I can’t get away from it. And I never realized how some of it sounds like Fat Albert. (*HeyHeyHey*)
            -How many calories can you burn just by your mind racing?
            -Hmmm… I wonder if my lives on Candy Crush have regenerated yet? (They had, but now they are gone again. This game is like crack.)
            -I totally hope I don’t make a colossal ass out of myself on the radio tomorrow. Well, today.
            -The new catch phrase I came up with the other day hasn’t caught on. (*BTW, it’s: I don’t give 2 dead cats... For example: I don’t give 2 dead cats that my hair is nappy.)
            -I’m super excited that the season premier of Big Brother comes on tonight. Although, since I am apparently not sleeping at all I will probably be in a coma when it comes on.
            -How much is Botox?
            -Gotta remember to check the web tomorrow to see what classes to enroll in for the fall. (*I’m going back to school to study Criminology. So I can poke at dead people.*)
            -Wonder if I can find a ThighMaster on Craigslist? Well, on second thought, a used ThighMaster is kinda gross.
            -Wonder how much a *new* ThighMaster costs?
            -Jeez it’s crowded in here. (*All the voices say as one*)

Alrighty, it’s about time to get ready for work. Aaaaaaand, NOW I’m sleepy. Crap.

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