What's That Smell? Oh. It's Eleventy Billion Year Old Asphalt. And Methane.

When I first realized I was headed to LA, one of the must-sees on my list was the La Brea tar pits. Why? Because they turn into a volcano and Tommy Lee Jones saves the day. Seriously. I wanted to see them because of the movie Volcano. Sad, maybe. But it was interesting. And smelly. You know that smell when workers are repaving a road? Multiply that by a thousand and add the smell of Hell and methane gas. You might get close to the heavy, cloying scent of oily tar seeping from fissures deep in the earth. It's not pretty at all. They are still digging in different areas to see if there is more goop to be found. They do have a cool lamp sculpture (?) display right outside the pits. Anyway, here are some of the photos from La Brea.

                                                        The cool lamppost design thingy.

                                        Not much of a scenic background, be we had to
                                                  selfie every place we went.


These photos are from the two smallest pits. Notice the oily sheen on the top and the crust of tar around the edges.

                                         This is Pit 1 and is the biggest by far. Every few
                                                 minutes a bubble of methane comes up.

                                                    Said bubble of methane.

     Somebody should really help those elephants. Looks like one of them is stuck. That baby
           one reminds me of the baby elephant in Tarzan who asks if the water is sanitary.
                                           No, baby elephant. It most certainly is not.

And now for some signs. Nothing spectacular, just road signs. But I can totally say I've been there. And honestly, I think they speak for themselves.

                                    I took a pic of this one because it was mentioned in Volcano.

Before I go, I leave you with this gem....

                                           Yeah. He totally wants me. It's so obvious.

In Case You're Not Already Sick of Me Talking About My Free Trip to Los Angeles.....

To recap: Our hotel was right on Hollywood Blvd. and therefore we could see parts of the Walk of Fame from our room. It's like 2 miles long so we didn't see it all. We did see some stars of people we knew, some from people we didn't know, and some where we looked at each other and were like "what the fuck?" Here's a sampling of what we saw...

                                        Of course you would expect to see Walt Disney. He's
                                                                             a legend.

                                          Another legend. Made me want to read "Oh The
                                           Places You'll Go" again.

                                                  I know why he and Ms. Piggy broke up
                                                   now. She doesn't have a star. She had
                                                                        star envy.

                                         I used to watch reruns on Nick-at-Night when I was
                                         a kid. I was also going to marry Davy Jones. Oh, well.

                                        I love The Big Bang Theory and Sheldon Cooper is
                                        a personal love of mine. I identify with him in so many
                                        ways. Except physics. And math. And not understanding
                                                                 sarcasm. I get sarcasm.

                                         I had to get a picture of our next president's star.
                                          What kind of American would I be if I didn't?

And now for some WTF moments......

                                             He destroys cities. How did he get a star?

                                                 Dude just stands out there with his big-ass
                                                  snake every night. Why? I dunno.

                                        This is probably the funniest picture I took the whole
                                        time and it was totally an accident. I was taking a pic
                                        of the creepy dude all in gold, ya know, the ones who
                                       make you think they are a statue and then scare the shit
                                      outta you? I didn't realize the fine boys in blue of the LAPD
                                       were arresting a guy right behind the creepy dude. Best part?
                                         The creepy dude never even blinked the whole time!

                                        Which ones? The Lollipop Guild? The Lullaby League?


So that concludes our trip down the Walk of Fame. Well, at least part of it. Some of it is in sketchy places that we didn't want to walk at night. Or during the day, for that matter. I hope you'll come back for the next installment of the tar pits and some signs.
   

The Next in a Long Line of Posts About LA

So far I've taken you to Venice Beach and Santa Monica. Well strap in for a ride through the Chinese Theater, the so-called "World's Greatest Candy Store" (it's not), a look at the 4-star posh hotel we stayed at, and a couple of pics out the window of the plane. (I realize I should have posted those first, as I'm trying to go chronologically, but I forgot them. Don't judge.)


Ok. So I took several pictures out of the window of the plane. I'm posting two because they all generally look the same. I have no freaking idea where we were flying over at the time, but it was pretty cool to see.

                                              No idea where we are, but it's pretty.

After we left Santa Monica we drove up Sunset to Hollywood Blvd. to our hotel, The Loews. It was spectacular and crowded and right in the middle of Hollywood Blvd. To say the least, it was awesome. It had this kind of Buddha or middle eastern feel. There were elephant statues around the courtyard and symbols etched in the columns. Here are some pictures.

                                                     First view of the hotel.

                                                  I didn't add a picture of the giant elephant
                                               statues because the angle was up their butts.

                                        The view from our window. Yeah, I know. :)

                                          Oh... Did I forget to mention a private concert by
                                          5 Seconds of Summer? Yeah. It was in the hotel
                                          courtyard. They started as soon as we got there so
                                           I can only assume it was specifically put on for us.
                                           And the 5,000 screaming girls. Them too.

                                       Just a night time swim in the rooftop saltwater pool.
                                           Ya know... No big.

                                       When the night was finished we drank wine. With
                                        ice cubes. Because we're classy that way.


So, the "World's Greatest Candy Store" was kind of a bust. They did have cool artwork on the walls though. There was Jimmy Kimmel's head made from jelly beans. A dress with a tutu made from cotton candy and laffy taffy. But here's my favorite wearable candy dress.

                                                       Yep. That's chiffon and Pop Rocks.


Next stop: Grauman's Chinese Theater. It's apparently a big deal. I thought it was neat, but not something I would need to put on my itinerary but we were literally about 100 feet from it.

                                                          Jenifer with the dragon thingy.

                                                         Me with the same dragon thingy.

                                            The "Twilight" cast's foot/hand prints.

                                                The "Harry Potter" cast's foot/hand prints.

There were about a hundred more but these were my faves. Except for Donald Duck's. I just forgot to take a picture of it. Those webbed feet of his are huge!

Alright. So, next post will be the Walk of Fame and the La Brea Tar Pits (even though we went there on our way back to the airport.)
           

First Post of About a Thousand About My Free Trip to LA

Ok. To sum up: Two weeks ago I entered to win a trip to LA to see the We Can Survive concert at the Hollywood Bowl. I won. Yeah. I know, right? So I call up my BFFFFF Jenifer. She's in. Awesome. We're off to Hollyweird. This first post is our first and second stops after leaving LAX.

Venice Beach: I'd never seen the Pacific. It was impressive. And cold. The day could not have been better; blue skies, salty breeze, 75 sunny degrees. We walked the beach, enjoyed the view, and collected some big ass sea shells. Here are my favorite photos from Venice Beach.

                                                   A cool sign. I think it lights up at night.

                                                Weird art on the side of a building.

                                                    Metal V for Venice. Or maybe it's one of
                                                      those compass thingies. Reminds me
                                                      of the latest Maroon 5 album.

                                        First selfie of many we took. Jenifer is on the left.
                                          I, with all of my chins, am on the right.

                                          First time in the Pacific. This is as far as I went.

                                                 She didn't know I took this picture. It
                                                     may be one of my favorites.

                                          Sail boat and some rocks. Just wait for it.....

                                                              Wait for it.......

                                                            Wait for it......

                                      BAM! Awesomeness. Except for the asshole that ran
                                         into the frame as I was shooting it. People always
                                         fuck up good pictures. People and poles.


So that was Venice Beach. Next we drove a little ways up the coast to Santa Monica. The view was even more spectacular there. You could see for miles and miles. It was more crowded than Venice Beach but probably because of the pier and the surfers. Yeah. Actual surfers. Behold....

                                          The famous Santa Monica Pier sign. Well, I guess
                                                                it's famous.

                                            Here's the pier. I'm fairly certain it's famous.

                                               Fun fact: The pier is the end of the Rte 66.
                                                  Of course, all I know about Rte 66 is from
                                                                   the movie Cars.

                                               Beach. The sand is much different than the
                                         Atlantic or the Gulf. It's soft and very deep and
                                          hurts your calf muscles if you're out of shape. (I am)

                                                                     More beach.

                                                                And still more beach.

                                             Real honest to God surfers. Actually surfing!

                                       Santa Monica selfie. Jenifer is on the left this time.

So, this completes our tour of Venice Beach and Santa Monica. Honestly, it all still feels very surreal that I was even there. Anyway, next post will be of the hotel we stayed at and Grauman's Chinese Theater and the famous people's hands and feet.

So I Won This Trip To LA......

A couple of weeks ago I called in to the radio station 96.5 to win a $50 gift card and qualify for a trip for 2 to LA to see the We Can Survive concert at the Hollywood Bowl. Aaaaaaaaannnnnndddd I won. I know. Holy shit, right? Flight, tickets, cool stuff, and a 4 star hotel smack dab in the middle of Hollywood Blvd. We could even see the HOLLYWOOD sign from our window. Honestly it's still kind of surreal and not quite sunken in yet that I can say I've been to the Hollywood Bowl, or seen the Walk of Fame, or acted totally ridiculous with my BFF at Madam Tousseaus Wax Museum. Well, I did do those things. The best part was I got to hang with my bestie, Jenifer, for 3 days. We haven't seen each other in a couple of years because I'm in Texas and she's in Tennessee, but it was like we hadn't even been apart a day. She's the one I would call if I needed to hide a body. Not that I need to hide a body....

I digress. This will be one of a couple of different posts because there's just too much to say and show. We left out of Houston at 7:20 a.m. local time and arrived at LAX at 8:45 a.m. We had the whole day to play. First stop: Venice Beach, baby.

I never knew the Pacific was soooo much colder than the Atlantic. We saw a skate park right there on the beach and picked up huge seashells. From the beach, not the skate park. There were surfers! Real live dudes in wetsuits with real surfboards paddling out to get eaten by sharks. It was impressive. The view was amazing. You could see for miles and miles.

It was really nice not having anywhere to be or anything to do. We could just hang out at the beach for however long we wanted to. It was about 75 degrees and a cloudless sky with a fresh breeze off the ocean. The day could not have been better. So after about 45 minutes we were bored. Sand, water, sunshine: yeah, yeah. Been there, done that.

Next stop: The Santa Monica Pier

Yep. Just me and my bestie chillin' at the pier. I didn't know it was the end of the line of Route 66. I really don't care, just a bit of trivia for you. Again, the view was breathtaking. I got some really great pictures but a lot of them are ruined by stupid people in them. Didn't they know I was a tourist and wanted a picture of the scenery and not their fisherman's hat and sandals?? Just rude if you ask me. Anyway, we did get some good ones.

So, friend(s), I'll leave off here. The next post will include a mini 5SOS concert in our hotel square in the middle thing, the Chinese Theater, and tons of weirdos on the Walk of Fame.

I Refuse To Feel Guilty For This One Thing

I have been timid about what I post on here. I'm afraid I may offend someone with something I say about, well, anything. I'm afraid people will be insulted by my language. Well, guess what? I give no more shits about what people think. I post these entries for me. Me alone. I don't know if anyone reads these. Maybe nobody, maybe three people, maybe eleven bajillionty. From now own, I will not feel guilty about anything I say on here. This is for ME. I have to get this shit outta my head or it will drive me insane(r).

I have bipolar. I'm not going to capitalize it because that just gives it more importance. Notice I said I have bipolar, not I am bipolar. I have the shittiest kind because I don't even get the manic episodes. I bet I could get some shit DONE on a mania bend. But alas, I just have the depressive one. I also have anxiety, severe depression, and ADD (I had to capitalize that one or you'd think I was speaking mathematically). Oh, and to top it off, I'm an addict. In recovery, but still an addict. None of this shit is curable. Manageable with medication, but never curable.

So, what does all this mean? Well, for starters I'm on a shit-ton of medications, some of which actually work. Others, though, are not doing their jobs and I am firing their asses as soon as I get back into my shrink's office. I understand that not all meds and med combinations work for everyone. It sucks, but I get it. The goal is to find the right pharmaceutical cocktail that works the best for me.

I was seeing a therapist, but since I lost my job (long story) I can't afford to anymore. There are some interns that will see me for free and I am waiting on a callback with an appointment. I have also been going to some support groups, mainly DBSA (depression/bipolar support alliance). Those are always free. Sometimes they help, just being around people who are/have been/will be where I'm at. Sometimes you get some seriously fucked up individuals there. I'm not in a position to judge, but in my unprofessional opinion some of these people need to be locked up on a Thorazine drip. Just sayin'.

I have terrible insomnia when I'm feeling okay and I could sleep for days when I'm not doing so well. Lately it's been a whacked combination of the two. Ever since my birthday a week and a half ago, I've been teetering on the edge of The Black. I had a bright spot this past Friday when I got to meet my hero Jenny Lawson who is just as whackadoodle as I am. She is able to put a humorous spin on all the terrible mental illness-y things. She makes me laugh when I want to cry. Anyway, so Friday was pretty good. Saturday morning, though, is another story. I could feel myself slipping away. Yesterday was worse. Today has been like yesterday.

I feel like I want to burst into tears every minute. I don't know why I'm so sad, but I am. I can look at all the things I should be grateful for and I can't see anything beyond myself. It's like I'm standing in a vortex of hell watching life pass me by at warp speed. The worst part is I don't think anyone can see me. I'm screaming in my head, but no one hears me. It's like being paralyzed, only you are aware of everything and you hurt all the way down to your soul.

I know that I'm going to have bad days. Bad weeks, even. I also know, logically, this will end eventually and I will start to see the light again. But right now, this moment, I'm in a dark box and I'm suffocating. Sometimes the universe just can't help but cunt punt you while you're down. The universe is a catty bitch. I try to deflect some of the pain with humor, but really my sarcasm is a defense mechanism. It's one I'm really good at, though.

Okay, so the point of this asinine ramble is this: I'm generally selfish by nature but usually feel guilty about it. Well, for this one thing, these entries I'm sending out into the bitchy universe, I'm going to say what I want and not feel guilty about it. If there is anyone out there who hears me and is offended, you don't have to read this. You can go find a blog about rainbows and kittens riding unicorns. This is not one of those blogs. Here you will find mostly dark and sarcastic posts and cursing.

I'm taking this thing, this one tiny little thing, and making it mine. Mine all mine. The universe can suck it.